Thursday, February 4, 2010

On having kids.

I'm trying to stick to some sort of a blogging schedule this month, so I wasn't going to post today, but then I read this post by Angela on Oh She Glows about wanting to have kids. When I realised that my answer in the comments section was basically a blog post I copied it here and shortened my answer there!

Angela's question was this: Do you feel pressured to have kids or did you…and by whom? Do you feel pressure to have them by a certain age, or a certain number of kids? Are you judged because you don’t want kids?

My answer:
When I was in my teens I didn't want children. And in absolute honesty - a part of me still doesn't want them. This is the first time I've ever told anyone this since I turned 20. I feel huge pressure to get married and have kids - from EVERYONE! I had a friend turn around to me when I was 20 and ask me, in front of a room full of other people, when I was going to settle down already, get married and have kids. I've had people telling me for years (and I'm not quite 25 yet) that a woman's fertility decreases with age, blah blah blah.

It's horrible.

The part of me that doesn't want kids is the bit that doesn't want the responsibility of raising them, the part that rarely sees anything cute in a baby/small child, the part that kinda wishes they were neither seen nor heard. This doesn't mean that I don't like kids - I do. I just like other people's kids. I've worked in a playgroup and babysitting and people always say how good I am with kids. I just don't want to have to have them 24/7.

I was diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago and I can honestly say that if I don't have kids as a result, I'm fine. I know, right now, that I don't ever want to go through IVF, even if it was my only option. I've made that decision already. I haven't told anyone, because I reserve the right to change my mind, and it's my business anyway. But mostly, because I don't want to hear other people's condesending 'you'll change your mind later'. Yeah, I might change my mind, but what if I don't?

That said, there are times when I really want a child - usually when I'm PMT, but it happens.

So I don't know. But it's easier to tell people about the wanting kids eventually part of me, rather than the not too keen part. All this said, I think I'll probably have them anyway - if for no other reason than to find out what the fuss is about. That is, if I can have them.


  1. Great post.

    You know, I go back and forth with wanting kids. But I think that's normal, I'm only 21 after all.

    Ultimately, I do want a family, though. I know that for a fact. If anything it's because I'm madly in love with a man and I want to give him kids, but I also want the chance to be a mother.

    That being said I have NO URGE to fulfill that ANYTIME SOON. I'm sure when I get older I will start yearning for children more and then I will have them. But right now I don't predict myself having kids for at least 6 or 7 years.

  2. I definitely want kids, but I am obviously a ways off from that happening.

    I think there is a pressure to have kids, especially more so in certain cultures. People assume that is the progression in life: get married, have kids. I've had lot of conversations about this recently with friends - esp after I see some of the hours that upper management in my company work and I wonder - 'why did they have kids?' I don't mean to judge them, but clearly they don't have the free time to really spend w/ their children, so I just think maybe people like that should wonder if they have the time to spend w/ a child and if they WANT to spend that time with a child.

    Anyways, great post and something I think about!

  3. Your honesty is refreshing. I am older than most bloggers (31) and sometimes I want to put my kids back in. LOL! So yeah . . . love this post!