I was told by a friend – a good friend – a few months ago that I like to complain. She was actually talking about her daughter, who she told me was fine because she was complaining, and when she complained it meant she was happy, like me. I was like: WHAT?! I’m not like that!!! And she told me that I was – that when I was happy I liked to complain. I was flabbergasted, to say the least. And she was completely wrong, of course. I mean, who likes to complain when they’re happy? Surely happiness is not having anything to complain about and therefore not complaining, right?
But then I started to think about what she said, and the more I thought, the more I started to realise that she has a point. (That’s one of the reasons I like this friend so much. She comes at me with a totally different perspective that knocks my socks off, but really gets me thinking.) I do like to complain. But for it to be true that I complain when I’m happy, then the inverse (that I don’t complain when I’m not happy) must also be true. Which, I’ve realised, it is.
Let me give you an example: when I was in my last year at university as an undergrad, happily studying my course, I complained incessantly about my lecturers/tutors, modules, timetable, research papers, exams, extra reading, essays, admin, transport and plenty more to anyone who would listen. However, at the beginning of ’09 when I was engaged and knew it wasn’t a good idea and therefore totally stressed out, I didn’t complain. Seriously, over a period of 3 months, I only made about 3 or 4 comments to my mum, a couple of conversations with my 2 best friends and that’s it. It wasn’t until I’d made up my mind that I was going to end it, and was feeling happy about it, that I started to complain to everyone else, too.
So, I don’t complain when I’m unhappy, but I do when I’m happy. That’s twisted. Really, it’s just wrong. It makes me a miserable cow. Not good. Not what I want to be.
Worst of all, I’m quite a cheerful person, really. No, honestly, I am – I’m a perpetual optimist, always looking on the bright side. But what if, upon meeting me, people hear me complaining and think I’m a miserable cow?
(Note: there is a distinction between complaining and whining: I do not whine. I cannot stand whingers/whiners. I just complain. I’m still working on the defining the difference between whining and complaining, though.)
I took all of last week off for no reason other than that I couldn’t be bothered to go. I’m seriously considering quitting my Masters. It’s depressing me: I hate the subject (it’s not what I thought I’d be studying), I don’t really want it for any future jobs (I don’t want to go into academia, which is all my subject’s really fit for), I cannot be bothered writing a 150-200 page thesis on something I’m not interested in (which seems to be what I’ll have to do), I hate attending (don’t like the modules, the lecturers, or anything), and basically it just feels like a monumental waste of time. So I should quit. But this is probably a one-off chance - I don’t think that this is the kind of thing that I’ll have the opportunity, time or will to do ever again. Especially if I quit now.
So, what’s a girl to do?
Go shopping, of course. For chick flicks, specifically. How does this help? Simple: shopping is relaxing, chick flicks always make me feel good - thereby prolonging the feel-good factor from the shopping – and a relaxed me is a lot more positive than normal and better at finding solutions.
My shopping trip culminated in my deciding to do the following:
1) Email some lecturers at other universities regarding my situation and try to get some advice. There’s no point asking my lecturers, obviously, because they all think that they’re wonderful. I will also seek out and ask lecturers at my university who aren’t teaching me.
2) Get back into teaching English again – I stopped in May for various reasons, but I should definitely pick it back up again now. If I do quit my Masters course I need to have something that’ll get me out of the house regularly, and it’ll probably be teaching. Not to mention it’s my only source of steady income at the moment, which is a pretty big incentive in and of itself.
3) I did a freelance translation job last week and earned a considerable amount in a very short time, which reminded me of why I liked translating. Of course, that was after I remembered how much I hated deadlines. But, let’s face it; every single job has deadlines in some form or another, so I’m ok with it. Now I need to put together a portfolio and get more clients.
4) Now that I finally have my own laptop, it’s high time I took on some work online. The mere thought scares the living daylights out of me (I’m terrified of screwing up) but I know that I need to just do it, and then I’ll be like ‘oh, that wasn’t so bad!’
This week, I’m going to start on steps 1 and 2, which will probably take me at least two weeks, and then I hope to take on the rest when I know how that all goes.
At least my university timetable has been adjusted so I only have one and a half days of attendance, instead of my previous 2 and a half, so that’s something.
(Random side-note: I googled the words 'depressed student college girl', whilst trying to find a picture for this post, and a picture of Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen came up as one of the suggestions. Google's weird.)
I have finally got a new laptop. My last laptop went kaput back in January, and it’s only taken me five full months to get a new one. It’s a refurbished Advent, which basically means that it has everything that I want, for a reduced price, because it’s second-hand, even though it looks and feels brand new (seriously, it’s brand spanking new).
I knew that I was supposed to be getting it soon (my parents were issued orders to buy and bring me one) but I didn’t really want to write about it until it was here, under my fingers, because whenever I write about anything that may/should happen soon it inevitably doesn’t. Like the treadmill I was hoping to get back in February. Anyways, it doesn’t matter, the fact is my laptop is here now and I’m a supremely happy bunny.
I’m currently trying to copy files from both my mum and dad’s laptops as well as my old one, and to free up some space on my USB stick. Not happiness –inducing work, but I’ll be happy when it’s done. I can’t wait to be able to use my laptop without having to figure out where half my stuff is!
I'm a twenty-something woman, of mixed national origin, who was born and raised in the UK as a practicing Muslim. I currently live in Algeria.
This is just a collection of random thoughts and other things on my journey through life (for now at any rate), while i struggle to kick my own rear-end into shifting up a gear and DOING more.