Goodbye Granny

It’s been months since my last post. I didn’t mean for it to be so long, but life kinda got ahead of me. My teaching schedule got a bit more hectic April through to June, making life a bit more hectic - but it was more money, so it was all good. :D

In April I booked a three week trip to Ireland and London for June. My mum’s Irish, so we were going to be spending two weeks with my Granny as well as uncles, aunts and cousins. Originally it was just going to be myself, my mum and my brother going, but Granny called at the end of April and said she’d really like to see my sister too, so she offered to pay for her ticket. It was all set, and we were really excited. It’d been 4 years since I’d last been back to see her and she’d had a few health scares over that time (obviously my mum goes back more often, as it‘s her mum!).

In the second week of May, after we’d bought all the tickets and were planning our shopping, packing, etc my mum got a phone call from my aunt to say that my Granny had been very confused, she wasn’t herself and that they’d taken her to hospital. The next day doctors discovered that she had tumours in her liver. She was given morphine to make her comfortable and the doctors said that she wouldn’t survive the night. But she did. And the next night. And the night after that, too. My poor mum was in an awful mess. My brothers and sisters were in the middle of exams and, from what the doctors were saying, she’d never make it over in time anyway. She really couldn’t decide whether to go back or not. In the end she decided that she wouldn’t, and my eldest aunt really reassured her in this by telling her that there really wasn’t any point. Granny wasn’t conscious, she wouldn’t even know that my mum was there if she did go. And moreover, Granny wouldn’t have wanted it. She wouldn’t have wanted my mum to ruin our holiday plans (because it would have) to go and see her when she wasn’t even conscious. So mum didn’t go.

Granny finally passed away, peacefully, in the early hours of Wednesday 24th of May. It still doesn’t seem real - she’s always been there so how can she not be now?

Two and a half weeks later we travelled out to Ireland. I was dreading going into Granny’s house for the first time and not seeing her there, but it wasn’t actually all that bad. My eldest aunt and her husband moved over from Scotland a few years ago to take care of Granny, so the house was rather different from the last time I’d been there, and none of us were immediately struck with the loss.

The day after we arrived was a Sunday and we had a bit of a family get-together. My younger aunt came with her kids, my uncle came with his wife and my other uncle (who lives next door) came up with his wife and kids too.

The most difficult day for me personally was the day when my mum and all her brothers and sisters went to the solicitors for the reading of the will. Left at home, in Granny’s house, were myself, my brother and sister and five of my cousins (aged between 19 and 9). We had a good dinner, washed up and had a good laugh. Granny would have loved it. Although her hearing wasn’t all that good anymore, she loved to sit and watch us - her grandchildren - spending time together. She loved watching us chat, laugh, fight, play, mess around, eat, drink and joke together. She would sit in her armchair in the sun and just watch us for hours. Just thinking about it tears me up, because she would have loved to watch us all that day.

When the parents all returned we had tea, homemade scones and plenty of goodies. Then somebody decided to take down the box of photographs and we all spent much of the evening pouring over them - laughing at some tragic fashions, trying to figure out who some people were, remembering and listening to stories that had been forgotten before. Again, Granny would have loved it. At one point, I went upstairs, into the guest bedroom that I was sharing with my mum and sister, and just sobbed. I missed my Granny and my Granddad. I miss sitting at the kitchen table having breakfast, with Granny serving up soft boiled eggs, homemade Irish soda bread, homemade jam and Irish breakfast tea from tea leaves, while Granddad and I chatted from opposite ends of the table, his blue eyes twinkling. Granddad died 13 years ago and I still miss him, and missing Granny only makes me miss him more.

Over the course of the rest of the holiday, my mum went through all the family photos - thousands of them. She sorted them out by era, and labelled the more obscure ones. Then my brother started to scan them onto the computer. He only got as far as the 70s after about 3 days work!

Here are some of my favourite old photos of Granny and Granddad (I know I’m biased, but weren’t they a beautiful couple?!):

This is their engagement photo.

Granny and Granddad cutting the cake on their wedding day.

Granny.

Granddad.

When a rut becomes a manhole

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For ages I've been saying that I'm stuck in a rut. A few months ago - around December time - that rut became a very deep, dark manhole. Since then I've not really been able to function. It was the beginning of March that I realised that there was something seriously wrong and that this was no ordinary stuck-in-a-rut scenario. Not even for me.

I was on the bus going into uni, that March day. It was a lovely sunny day, not too hot and not too cold. As I was going in I realised that this was the first time in two months that I had voluntarily left the house. For two months, I hadn't opened the shutters to my bedroom. I hadn't been able to sleep at night and I'd had serious difficulty getting up in the morning. Even when I was awake, I still coudn't be bothered to get up. I only did the absolute bare minimum necessary - teaching, chores for my mum and that's it. I spent the rest of the time in bed on my laptop reading crappy celebrity gossip blogs or asleep. I didn't even feel like watching any films or TV, or reading any books. I stopped my knitting and as for exercising - hah! When having a shower is an effort, forget working out. I also stopped reading blogs. With my life being such a dismal existence, I really didn't want to read about other people successfully getting on with their lives. Occasionally I'd read a post, but rarely could I find anything to say in a comment.

As I sat on that bus, passing some beautiful green fields, I realised that this was not normal. It wasn’t a normal down-in-the-dumps phase, and even if it were, it'd gone on for far too long. What did I do? Nothing. I don't know why, but it really didn't occur to me to go to the doctor, even though I knew that I was depressed. Somehow, by the grace of God, this depression has lifted, and now, a few weeks later, I'm starting to get my life back.

I'm not gonna lie - it's not like I realised I was depressed and suddenly chose to snap out of it, because it’s just not in my control. It's not even like it's decided to go away suddenly, because that’s just not how it works. It's taken a few weeks for it to gradually lift, and then I got some really, really good news not that long ago and it's made a world of a difference to me in terms of motivation. That, combined with my newfound ability to get out of bed and get off my arse and do things, has made me feel much better about myself and my life. Today I was dusting my telly and I realised: I'm happy. That's the first time that I've felt genuinely happy for longer than I can remember.

(And I wasn't happy because I was cleaning. I was happy because I am happy.)

It's amazing to me that today, a day that I had deliberately set aside to do nothing, was one in which I still chose to do stuff. I did a bit of baking, a bit of cleaning, and here I am now, writing this blog post - the first in 4 months.

So why didn’t I write about this before? Why didn’t I go to the doctor? Well, I think that a very big part of my problem is that I hate being negative. I hate other people thinking I'm less than fine. I know it's normal to get down from time to time, I just don't like to show it. It makes me feel like a failure. So I suppose it's no coincidence that the first time I get around to writing a blogpost in all this time is when I'm feeling happy again, and can talk about all the horrible stuff in the past. It's over. I'm happy. So obviously I'm not a failure. I know it's stupid - depression isn't anyone's fault. But when I couldn't even get out of bed in the morning I just felt like such a loser.

Things I need to work on

As usual I’m not happy with the way I’m living my life right now. I’m permanently tired because I’m not getting enough sleep - for the past three days I’ve had about 3-4 hours of sleep a night. And I’m not even taking long siestas or anything to compensate for it, so that’s one hell of a sleep deficit I’m building.

Here's a list of the things that I really need to work on:

1. Getting to bed early. I can’t function during the day properly and I ain’t doing what I’m supposed to be doing until the last minute before bed. Feeling permanently tired is so old already.

2. Get my exercise in earlier. It has to be done. And no cheating. These days I’ve been working out in the wee hours - around 12 or even 1 in the morning. See, I said I need to get to bed earlier.

3. Write more. Throughout the day and not just 20 minutes before bed so that I can tick the ruddy habitforge update.

4. Quit playing Mahjong Titans. I’m wasting HOURS everyday on this s**t. Seriously, I spent over 10 hours on it last week. (As per my Rescue Time weekly summary - boy did I not like this week's report. Rescue Time, by the way, is an online time tracking program that logs how long you spend on every program that you use, whilst running in the background. It's actually pretty nifty.)

5. Preparing lessons properly and ahead of time. Also, I need to be stricter about logging hours and pay. I’m not feeling the whole teaching thing right now. A large part of my problem is that I teach several one-to-ones, but I prefer teaching groups (more varied interactions and it’s sooooooooo much easier), so I’m not very enthusiastic. This means that I leave my lesson planning until the last minute the night before. It would be so much better if I just did it ahead of time and had one less thing to stress over.

6. Work on my review of 2010. This year was basically an unmitigated disaster in terms of my New Year’s Resolutions and goals, for various reasons. I know that if I don’t want to repeat this next year then I’m going to have to really take a long hard look at what went wrong this year. I also want to do some of the various end-of-year reviews that are out there.

7. Pick goals for next year. I think this one’s fairly obvious.

It’s not much, but it does require willpower, which I’m kinda low on these days.

Anything you need to work on? Or is everyone just gonna wait until the New Year?

I am a warrior.

I recently discovered habitforge, a site that allows you to list habits you want to form and then sends you an email every day to check up on you. But the best bit? You have to do the activity every day for 21 days straight. If you skip one day, you have to start again from zero. It’s very effective. I'm currently working on two habits: working out for 50 minutes and writing every day.

So far it’s been 5 days since I started and I can say, hand-on-heart, that the previous two days especially, I would not have worked out if it were not for the threat of starting all over again. And you know what? It feels great! Every workout I finish I feel so proud of myself - this is a HUGE accomplishment for me. Consistency isn’t my forte, or so I keep telling myself, but I’m really beginning to think that’s a load of BS. I can do anything consistently, provided I have the right motivation, it’s something I truly believe in and it’s something that I really want to do, and not just something that I think I should be doing.

With regards to my workouts, I’m generally doing whatever workout I feel like doing and/or is convenient. Yesterday, that was yoga. I didn’t follow any set workout plan or DVD or anything, I just did a few rounds of sun salutation to warm up and then did whatever poses I felt like doing, for however long I felt like doing them for. The one pose I kept going back to and staying in the longest was this warrior pose (though perhaps not quite as deep as the picture in the link!). I am a warrior. ;)

After my little yoga sesh, I read through some blogs in my reader, and I came across this post from The Simple Dollar. In it, the author (Trent) shares that his wife writes a very simple daily journal: every day she notes down what the best moment of her day was. It seems so simple, yet so darn useful! I really think that if I were to note down the best moment of my day everyday I’d start to see what I really love to do.

So, what was my best moment of yesterday? When I realised I had about 10minutes left of my workout, I spent the rest of that 10 minutes smiling my way through the poses. I was happy with myself, and I felt strong, successful, centred and in control of my life.

What was the best moment of your day?

Fasting in Islam

I've mentioned a few times on my blog about fasting, usually with regards to Ramadan. After Melanie's comment, I thought I could elaborate a little bit more about fasting in Islam. Because I don't want to complicate things, I've decided to use Rudyard Kipling's poem 'I Keep Six Honest Serving Men' as a guide to explaining the most important things.

Rudyard Kipling wrote:

I keep six honest serving-men

(They taught me all I knew);

Their names are What and Why and When

And How and Where and Who.

So first up: What is fasting in Islam? Basically it's going without food or drink from dawn to dusk. It also involves staying away from all vices (sex, smoking, etc) during those hours, as well as working harder to please God through every act of worship from kindness to prayer.

Next: Why do Muslims fast? For much the same reason that Jews fast Yom Kippur and some of the reasons that Christians fast - to attain piety through humility, and develop a closer relationship with God. You can't show off when you're fasting, because only God knows if you're not cheating.

Thirdly: When do Muslims fast? It's just Ramadan, right? Wrong! Although Ramadan is the one time when Muslims HAVE to fast, it's not the only time that we are encouraged to do so. The other important religious fasts include six days in the month following Ramadan, the first 10 days of the last month in the Islamic calendar (which is the month in which the Hajj pilgrimage takes place) especially the 9th Day (the Day of Arafat) and other days, too.

Also, there are times when fasting is forbidden in Islam, most notably the two Eid celebrations.

Then there's How Muslims fast. Other than the fact that everyone doesn't eat, drink or have sex between sun-up and sun-down, there are no specific rituals involved. This has led to great cultural diversity across Muslim lands, which sparks a lot of curiousity and comparing of notes. All good fun. A lot of people get up early before dawn to have a breakfast, that can consist of anything from cereal to a full, several course dinner. (I’m not kidding, I’ve personally witnessed people eat 3+ courses for breakfast in Ramadan).

And then there is breaking the fast. The Prophet Muhammed (peace and blessings be upon him) said that God says that the two happiest times in a Muslim's life are when they break their fast and when they meet their Lord. This is so true. The pure bliss when breaking your fast is unparalleled. But what to break the fast with? Traditionally, it's dates, but it can be anything, from water, milk, soup, dinner, an entree, anything at all. This is then followed by a dinner, called Iftar.

Next up: Where do Muslims fast? Everywhere ... unless they are travelling. If you're on a journey or are away from home for a few days you don't have to fast, as the toll of travel can make you weaker.

Last, but not least: Who has to fast? Everybody at, or over, the age of puberty, male and female, who will not harm their health by doing so. So kids and anyone with a medical reason not to fast, as well as pregnant/breastfeeding women who fear for their and/or their child's wellbeing are exempt. Also, women on their period don't fast.

Now that I’m done with that, I’ll address one of the biggest misconceptions regarding Ramadan: that fasting for a whole month will make you lose weight. It doesn’t. Trust me on this. My mum once fasted Ramadan before she became a Muslim with the hope of losing weight and she lost nothing. Why? Well, because you can still eating anything you like in the evening. And worse yet, a lot of people put on weight in Ramadan because they think that having eaten nothing all day they can eat whatever they want, and however much of it, they like. Sadly, that’s not true.

And it’s quite common for non-Muslims to try it out, for various reasons. I know one person who did it just to see if they could, and another who lived in an area with a large Muslim community and wanted to join in. Also, there are lots of opportunities for people to meet up for an evening meal.

A member of a fire department participates in an Iftar.source

For some truly amazing photos of Muslims during Ramadan/Eid from around the world, check out the Boston Globe's Ramadan 2010 photo gallery.

La Vida Loca

When I posted over a week ago I honestly thought that the crazy of my life was over. I was very wrong. Since that last post I sat The Last Ever Exam of my life (hopefully). My parents left for a trip to Makkah for Hajj (pilgramage), leaving me in charge at home for a full month. I've started teaching English classes again. And the cherry on the cake is that I've only just discovered that the final deadline for my thesis proposal is the 15th of November.

All this has got me wondering if my life is ever gonna be anything less than crazy. Maybe it's just life in general. Maybe it's my procrastination that's resulted in me having to do a ton of stuff last minute (especially with regards to my thesis proposal). Maybe I'm trying to do too much...

Whatever the reason, I can't see it changing any time soon. I'm gonna have to get on with it all. And learn to make time for the things that I love to do, like blogging, exercising, reading, watching TV, etc. Knowing my abilities regarding self-discipline and putting things off, I won't be holding my breathe for any serious breakthrough any time soon.

Does your life get this crazy? And if it does, how often does it get crazy? Cause it feels like my life has been crazy for waaaaaaaaaaayy too long now.

Return from AWOL land

This post has been a long time in the writing. I've been meaning to write it, and thereby get back into blogging again, for about a month now, but I just kept putting it off.

Why did I stop blogging in the first place? Simple: life got too much. Or rather uni did and I decided to just quit as many things as possible in my life, culminating in my skipping the last 3 weeks of uni (they STILL didn't kick me out, though) and not doing much instead. I spent the summer teaching English and swimming at some of the local beaches. Pretty nice, all round.

Then Ramadan hit. I always enjoy Ramadan - always. Except this year. This year was tough. I wasn't in the right frame of mind when it started, I didn't ever really get into the right frame of mind and I don't feel like I actually made the most of it. In Islam we believe that fasting Ramadan correctly and performing extra prayers will atone for all past sins. So at the end you (hopefully) get to start again with a fresh slate. While I believe/know that God's mercy is infinite, I really feel like I blew it this year.

After Ramadan I had to go back to uni, and that has been more of the same old stress, culminating yesterday in total depression. It was so bad that I decided to cancel the day and just veg out in front of the TV and/or sleep.

Today, I'm back. :D I've been reading blogs for about a month now, (although, I haven't been commenting) and trying to find my groove. Part of the reason that I haven't blogged in so long is that I basically felt that I sucked at this. Then today I decided just to look up my blog (to see if I could remember the address, *blush*) and reading through a few posts, I really didn't think they were all that bad... so here I am. Ready to keep my arse in gear and write blogposts on a highly irregular, erratic basis.

I'm back.

Complaining

I was told by a friend – a good friend – a few months ago that I like to complain. She was actually talking about her daughter, who she told me was fine because she was complaining, and when she complained it meant she was happy, like me. I was like: WHAT?! I’m not like that!!! And she told me that I was – that when I was happy I liked to complain. I was flabbergasted, to say the least. And she was completely wrong, of course. I mean, who likes to complain when they’re happy? Surely happiness is not having anything to complain about and therefore not complaining, right?

But then I started to think about what she said, and the more I thought, the more I started to realise that she has a point. (That’s one of the reasons I like this friend so much. She comes at me with a totally different perspective that knocks my socks off, but really gets me thinking.) I do like to complain. But for it to be true that I complain when I’m happy, then the inverse (that I don’t complain when I’m not happy) must also be true. Which, I’ve realised, it is.

Let me give you an example: when I was in my last year at university as an undergrad, happily studying my course, I complained incessantly about my lecturers/tutors, modules, timetable, research papers, exams, extra reading, essays, admin, transport and plenty more to anyone who would listen. However, at the beginning of ’09 when I was engaged and knew it wasn’t a good idea and therefore totally stressed out, I didn’t complain. Seriously, over a period of 3 months, I only made about 3 or 4 comments to my mum, a couple of conversations with my 2 best friends and that’s it. It wasn’t until I’d made up my mind that I was going to end it, and was feeling happy about it, that I started to complain to everyone else, too.

So, I don’t complain when I’m unhappy, but I do when I’m happy. That’s twisted. Really, it’s just wrong. It makes me a miserable cow. Not good. Not what I want to be.

Worst of all, I’m quite a cheerful person, really. No, honestly, I am – I’m a perpetual optimist, always looking on the bright side. But what if, upon meeting me, people hear me complaining and think I’m a miserable cow?

(Note: there is a distinction between complaining and whining: I do not whine. I cannot stand whingers/whiners. I just complain. I’m still working on the defining the difference between whining and complaining, though.)

I Am Happy

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Except when I think about university.

I took all of last week off for no reason other than that I couldn’t be bothered to go. I’m seriously considering quitting my Masters. It’s depressing me: I hate the subject (it’s not what I thought I’d be studying), I don’t really want it for any future jobs (I don’t want to go into academia, which is all my subject’s really fit for), I cannot be bothered writing a 150-200 page thesis on something I’m not interested in (which seems to be what I’ll have to do), I hate attending (don’t like the modules, the lecturers, or anything), and basically it just feels like a monumental waste of time. So I should quit. But this is probably a one-off chance - I don’t think that this is the kind of thing that I’ll have the opportunity, time or will to do ever again. Especially if I quit now.

So, what’s a girl to do?

Go shopping, of course. For chick flicks, specifically. How does this help? Simple: shopping is relaxing, chick flicks always make me feel good - thereby prolonging the feel-good factor from the shopping – and a relaxed me is a lot more positive than normal and better at finding solutions.

My shopping trip culminated in my deciding to do the following:

1) Email some lecturers at other universities regarding my situation and try to get some advice. There’s no point asking my lecturers, obviously, because they all think that they’re wonderful. I will also seek out and ask lecturers at my university who aren’t teaching me.

2) Get back into teaching English again – I stopped in May for various reasons, but I should definitely pick it back up again now. If I do quit my Masters course I need to have something that’ll get me out of the house regularly, and it’ll probably be teaching. Not to mention it’s my only source of steady income at the moment, which is a pretty big incentive in and of itself.

3) I did a freelance translation job last week and earned a considerable amount in a very short time, which reminded me of why I liked translating. Of course, that was after I remembered how much I hated deadlines. But, let’s face it; every single job has deadlines in some form or another, so I’m ok with it. Now I need to put together a portfolio and get more clients.

4) Now that I finally have my own laptop, it’s high time I took on some work online. The mere thought scares the living daylights out of me (I’m terrified of screwing up) but I know that I need to just do it, and then I’ll be like ‘oh, that wasn’t so bad!’

This week, I’m going to start on steps 1 and 2, which will probably take me at least two weeks, and then I hope to take on the rest when I know how that all goes.

At least my university timetable has been adjusted so I only have one and a half days of attendance, instead of my previous 2 and a half, so that’s something.

(Random side-note: I googled the words 'depressed student college girl', whilst trying to find a picture for this post, and a picture of Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen came up as one of the suggestions. Google's weird.)

Guess What

I have finally got a new laptop. My last laptop went kaput back in January, and it’s only taken me five full months to get a new one. It’s a refurbished Advent, which basically means that it has everything that I want, for a reduced price, because it’s second-hand, even though it looks and feels brand new (seriously, it’s brand spanking new).

I knew that I was supposed to be getting it soon (my parents were issued orders to buy and bring me one) but I didn’t really want to write about it until it was here, under my fingers, because whenever I write about anything that may/should happen soon it inevitably doesn’t. Like the treadmill I was hoping to get back in February. Anyways, it doesn’t matter, the fact is my laptop is here now and I’m a supremely happy bunny.

I’m currently trying to copy files from both my mum and dad’s laptops as well as my old one, and to free up some space on my USB stick. Not happiness –inducing work, but I’ll be happy when it’s done. I can’t wait to be able to use my laptop without having to figure out where half my stuff is!

Last word: I love my laptop.

Friday Five

I haven't been able to think of anything to blog about recently, mainly because I haven't felt like blogging or doing anything that might count as constructive. Except make huge lemon meringue pies, but even that could be considered destructive in terms of my overall diet and health. :D But I got this idea from Amber who's doing the same thing today.

ONE:

Before my mum went away she cooked some meals and put them in the freezer for the days when I'll be at uni. I skipped uni several days this week, but have been using them anyway, which means that I've only cooked one meal from scratch this week. That's how lazy I've been.

TWO:

I am now, for the first time in my life, addicted to reality TV, specifically Discovery's T&L (TLC in the US) channel. I'm glued to Cake Boss, Say Yes to the Dress, What Not to Wear, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant (now that's what I call an Oh-My-God show) and even Miami Ink. What's wrong with me??? It actually feels like my brain is frying. I've gotta stop this.

THREE:

I have still yet to get back to an exercise routine. It's May already. Heck, it's the end of May - next week is the first week of June. My aim is to work out today.

FOUR:

University is officially depressing me. For some reason that is completely beyond my comprehension, we don't finish this summer until mid JULY. Then we get a two month summer holiday, followed by another month of uni before we do our 2nd Semester exams. Shoot me please.

On the plus side, I have perfected the art of skipping lectures: out of the three lectures I missed this week, two were cancelled at the last minute. :D

FIVE:

Yesterday I finally caught up with my Google Reader. It took me around three hours, but I really felt that I didn't have an excuse to click the 'mark all as read' button when I've done nothing all week. I'm actually really proud of myself for catching up.

Holding Down the Fort

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My parents have gone away for 2 weeks today, leaving me holding down the fort at home taking care of my 4 younger siblings, the youngest of whom is still in primary school. As a result, I've cancelled all my teaching lessons and have given myself a carte blanche to miss as many days at uni as I choose need. It's all good.

Life's been really crazy for too long now - it feels like I'm running on a little hamster wheel - and I need to take a break and get back to what I want to do, what I love, what makes me feel healthy and happy. This complete break from my routine is perfect. I have to cook, bake, clean house, do laundry, go food shopping, etc, etc, for 5 people and I LOVE doing it all. (I think it's the novelty of it, though. I'm not sure I'd like it so much if I had to do it all the time...) Being a student, most of the results of my work take a while to come through. It's satisfying when I make a meal to see the meal that I've made, and it's even better when I get compliments for it. The fact that it's gone in 10minutes flat, is a little disappointing, but hey - I can't have it all, can I?

So over the next couple of weeks, I'm hoping to post a few recipes (if I make anything interesting), maybe blog what I eat for a day (I've always wanted to try that), but above all, blog more regularly!

Random Acts of Kindness

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I'm trying to maintain my postivity after a long and exhausting day, so I thought that it'd be a good idea to go over some random acts of kindness that I have been luckily enough to receive over the past few days:

- A guy from one of my classes came up to me and thanked me for questioning our lecturer about the correction of our exams. He said that he totally agreed with me, but felt a bit shy about calling out the lecturer in class. (When it comes down to exam marks, I'm never shy. The particular lesson he was referring to was the first - and so far, only - class in that subject in which I have actively participated.)

- One of my classmates offered to help me with my presentation, giving me lots of advice to make it less boring and quicker. Bless her, she even offered to help me with a bit of last-minute research.

- I had to get some paperwork today and the two men in two different bureaus were just so nice! They were pleasant, chatty, helpful and efficient. It just made the whole process pain-free.

All these little things really cheered me up and left me walking away with a smile on my face. We all need these little things every now and then.

On and Off the Band-Wagon

*Plop*

I think that was the sound of me falling off the band-wagon. It couldn't have been a much louder noise, because I've only just figured it out and it happened a while ago. Unfortunately, it's spreading. I've stopped exercising entirely (every week I say 'next week'), I've started watching way too much TV (every day I say 'just this show'), I've stopped going to bed/getting up early (everyday I say 'tomorrow') and I've basically stopped blogging, just when I'd gotten into a nice little routine with it all.

So, this week is going to be 'one day at a time' week. I'm gonna try to do my best and tackle the major areas I've been slacking, one day at a time.

And I'm starting off with this blog post about nothing. I could whine about how I'm still 2lbs over the weight I should be. I could complain about uni - honestly, in complaining terms, university is the gift that just keeps giving! I could complain about all the paperwork I have to run after this week. But I won't. I was thinking yesterday that I haven't been focusing enough on my accomplishments this year, which is leaving me feeling dejected and completely devoid of motivation. So, my top accomplishments so far (in no order):

- I've taught two students to a Beginner's level in English.
- I've taught a six year old basic English (alphabet, colours, numbers, phrases and nouns).
- I've saved up and researched for my Driving License so that I can get it later this year.
- I managed to pass my first term at university as a post-grad.
- I gave my first ever 1.5hour presentation at university, and while it was boring as hell, it went well. I didn't stammer or stutter and I was able to speak loud enough for the class to hear me. That it was boring was the least of my problems - I DID IT!!

Considering that I've done all this in a mere 4 month period, I'm extremly pleased with my progress. Moreover, these are not accomplishments that I've acheived in a day - they've taken hard work over a period of weeks, if not months, to achieve. So obviously a little every day has been working for me. :D

Proof of Life

I'm still alive, despite the fact that I've been completely absent online for a good week now. I haven't really done anything interesting or been any busier than usual, but I was feeling rather overwhelmed with a lot of 'need to do asap' surprise things. I have some paperwork that suddenly jumped out at me and needs to get done post haste. Unfortunately, it'll take me at least one day to do it, but most likely at least two and I don't have two whole days to waste running around after paperwork.

Then, I was told that I'd have to start a presentation on Wednesday concerning a really long book that I've only had a couple of weeks to read. (It's basically an economic and philosophical argument for a political phenomena, so it's not even interesting. Oh, and it's also kinda out of date.) In addition to this I really have to come up with a topic for my thesis, and get myself a thesis advisor. Eek.

Oh yeah, and my parents are going away shortly and I'll be left babysitting for a couple of weeks, which also involves cooking, etc. Plus there was a bunch of compulsory social engagements due up. (Don't ask.)

Oh, and I nearly got killed/seriously injured by a very heavy falling metal window guard thing. Thank God I was 30 seconds late!

Net result? I got really stressed out by life in general and just gave up on the internet, friends, exercise (although I have cut back on eating and am on the losing path again) and everything else that wasn't imminently involved with my survival. My motto this week has been a Dori-quote from Finding Nemo:

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It worked and somehow I got through the week (it helped that my presentation has been delayed another week - phew!), which I am truly grateful for. Now I just need to be strong and get through this week and my presentation on Wednesday, and then it's downhill from there!

Bullets.

I can't seem to pull together a post on one topic, so I'm doing bullets instead.

- Why oh why is it so hard to work out how much tax-free electrial goods are in Heathrow airport? I'm not going, but my parents will be going through it soon and I want to give them a shopping list. And if they're gonna be passing through the tax-free part of the airport, then I'd like them to buy it as cheap as possible. But then maybe I should just get it off ebay...

- I taught three English lessons today, which is unusual, but my lecture this morning was cancelled, so I took over one of my mum's lessons. I must say, it's nice to see my students making progress.

- I just typed the above a minute ago, before I accidentally hit something and lost it. The strange thing is that the first bullet didn't disappear. Weird.

- I'm going shopping tomorrow - YAY!! Don't know what I'm looking for, but I'm going shopping.

- I watched the Twilight Eclipse trailer yesterday and I really liked it. Believe it or not, I was debating whether or not I was going to watch it. Now I know that I definitely will. The only thing I don't like is Bryce Dallas Howard. She just looks so wrong, they really shouldn't have switched out Rachelle LeFevre. Here it is, just in case you haven't already seen it/want to re-watch it.



- Speaking of films, I can't wait to see the new Robert Pattinson film Remember Me. A friend told me the story line and it sounds great. Sad, but great. Furthermore, she said that he actually acts in this one, and does so really well (and she's not an RPattz fan, so I trust her). I don't think that looking washed-out and sombre in Twilight truly counts as acting. Just my opinion. Anyways, here's the trailer for Remember Me:



What's your take on RPattz's acting skills? Is there anything you're looking forward to over the next few days?

When In Doubt, Quote.

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I have nothing worth saying today, nor have I had anything for the past few days, hence the reason I haven't posted for near enough a week. It's not because life has come to a standstill - because, let's face it, it never does that - but rather, because I have nothing to share. So, instead I'm just sharing other people's words, people who had some real wisdom to share.

"No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one" - Elbert Hubbard. Amen.

"Experience is a brutal teacher. But you learn -- my God, do you learn." C.S. Lewis

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson (Who I keep confusing with Robert Frost, for some reason. I don't understand why - they lived at different times and they have very different names. I guess it's because I know they're both poets and I love their poetry, despite having read very little of it.)

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill

I don't know if it's the fact that I was born and raised in the UK, or just my personality, but I love Winston Churchill quotes. I always find them amusing, quirky and soooo true!

"You will make all kinds of mistakes; but as long as you are generous and true, and also fierce, you cannot hurt the world or even seriously distress her." - Winston Churchill

"Only the stupid need organization, the genius controls the chaos!" - Albert Einstein. This is quite possibly my favourite quote of all time. I'm thinking of making it my motto.

And my hands-down favourite poem of all time:

Leisure
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?—
No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
- W.H. Davies

What are your favourite quotes/poems?

Wednesday Reminder

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Wednesdays are my early morning days, as it's the only day of the week that I have to leave home at 7.15am (ish). (The rest of the days I get to leave home at 8.30ish.) It's not that big a deal though, because I only have one lecture and it's finished by 10.30am, so I'm home for dinner (I prefer to eat my main meal as early as possible). This tends to mean that I'm often extremely tempted to go shopping on my way home.

For some reason, Wednesdays are also my 'Ooooh! That's cute' days. You know, the days when you see loads of stuff and think 'Oooh! That's sooo cute! It'd look great with *insert any wardrobe/household item*'. I notice what other people are wearing, I see all the lovely clothes through shop doors and the shoes in the window displays... and I want it all!

As I finish early, it's very tempting to go shopping on the way home. However, this adoration of stuff is remarkably short-lived. In fact, I'm usually over all the cute stuff by the time I get to uni. Why? Because it's the only morning I hit the rush hour traffic and take forever to get to uni. Once, I was so late I actually missed my lecture. The only lecture I have to attend. I was so annoyed.

Anyway, back to topic. Being stuck in traffic on a bus that takes the busiest route, is a great incentive to save money to pay for my driving lessons, and therefore not shop. It's also a weekly reminder that keeps me on goal. Net result? I've now got enough money to pay for all the lessons. (I wanted to have all the money together before I start, just in case I somehow lose my income - I like to cover all bases.) I'm so proud of myself.

But now I seriously need to go on a shopping trip. I've only bought ONE pair of shoes this year and 11 DVDs. That's it. I need retail therapy!

Why I watch The Biggest Loser. Sometimes.

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I really like watching The Biggest Loser. I mean, I wouldn't add it to the schedule of TV programmes I watch, but when I catch it, I'm happy. In all honesty, I think it's because the size of the contestants scares the living daylights out of me. I'm terrified of getting that big. I know people who are obese and it's so not a walk in the park. They have issues with mobility, with seating (which is just plain embarrasing) and eventually with health. What's worse is that it's really difficult for them to lose the weight because there's so much of it.

I think the reason that it scares me so much is because an obese family friend once turned around to me when I was eating a huge plate of curry and said: 'I used to eat like that', meaning that now that she's older she can't eat such large portions. It freaked me out, because I started to think if she used to eat that much - i.e. doesn't anymore - and is that big, what the hell is going to happen to me? That's when I got into healthy living.

It's also why I watch The Biggest Loser: seeing people that heavily overweight struggling so much to get healthy makes me want to work even harder to not get there, to not become them. It makes me start eating more fruit and veg, cut back on portion sizes and make exercise a priority.

And funnily enough it's almost always on when I'm having my dinner. :D

Time-Out

This week I took a time-out from ... well, everything really. I went to uni, but skipped my most depressing lecture, didn't exercise once and spent most of my time vegetating on the couch watching TV, drinking tea and eating. Basically, I took this past week to recharge my batteries and, thank God, it worked because I'm raring to go now as a result.

That and the fact that today is weigh-in day and I discovered that I've gained FOUR WHOLE POUNDS in just one week! And it's not even girly-time yet. *wail*

Mind you, I did have pasta twice this week. And a pizza. And a couple of croissants. Yeah, ok, so I know why I've put on the weight and yes, I know it's not really a big deal - I mean 4 pounds? People on The Biggest Loser lose 100s! So I know it's not that bad, it's just that this is the first time since last September that I've actually gained and it has basically scared the crap out of me.

But it's ok, because I have now recharged my batteries and, although I'm not entirely sure I've got my mojo back, I do feel able to take on my life again. I can do this. My only hurdle now is sorting out my sleeping pattern because doing nothing and eating loads totally wrecks my sleeping habits. As do mosquitos. *grrr*