4. Religion / faith

[Note: these posts are organised from most obvious and easy to write about, to the least obvious and most difficult to write about. They are not ordered in priority, because to be honest they are all inter-connected. I would not have grown in terms of my education without perseverance and good health, for example.]

As a practising Muslim, my religion and faith are very important to me and yet this is the one area in which I am always dissatisfied. I could always have done more, been better, been more sincere. I always focus on my shortcomings, not my progress. But I can only determine how far I have to go, how I can actually improve, by acknowledging what I’m doing right. I am not writing this to become complacent in practising my religion, but to recognise the areas on which I can build upon.

I think that the main way in which I have grown this year is by incorporating faith in my daily activities. By this, I mean dedicating as much as possible (i.e. when I remember) of my day-to-day life to God. So for example, helping out with the dinner: I’ll do it with the intention of trying to please God, of trying to gain reward by dedicating it to God. In Islam, everything that you choose to dedicate to God counts as an act of worship, so long as you’re not doing anything harmful to yourself or others.

Also, I’ve revised more Quran this year than ever before. Muslim’s are strongly encouraged to memorise as much of the Quran as they can, to preserve it – the written word can be lost, but what is kept in the hearts of humanity will always be preserved.

I’ve also improved by doing some extra acts of worship, like saying extra prayers, etc. Although I admit, I’ve not been doing as much of this now as I was earlier in the year.

Most importantly, I feel that I’ve made an effort over the past year to become closer to my Creator and I feel a great sense of peace in my life as a result.

Ramadan routine.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I have a problem with routines and sticking with them long-term. I know they help me to accomplish so much, but still I slack off, quit and then get down about it. It's very frustrating and kinda depressing. (Hey, maybe I have commitment issues... :D Seriously, I might have to look into the psychology of that.)

As annoying as that is, it's even worse when it comes at a time when I really need to commit to a steady plan in order to meet a deadline, or in the case of Ramadan, make the most of a short period of time. I've tried to get up early and pray Tarawih (night prayer) before fajr, but that's not worked for me for quite a while now, and that means that I've missed way to many precious nights of prayer. Last year this wasn't a problem as I went to the local mosque, but, as I mentioned here, then I tended to spend most of the prayer completely spaced out, which isn't really the spirit of things.

So it's now the last ten days of the month and I really need to change things up. I've decided to stay up a bit later and pray before going to bed. As in 2:30am later. I've done it tonight and it's worked out quite well for me, but I'm still behind. I want to pray with all the Quran I know in these last few days and so I'm praying 13 rakahs, in sets of 4 with witr by itself or tagged on, depending on how tired I am. Alhamdulillah, tonight was a success.

I hope I can keep it up.

In terms of my other goal of reading the entire Quran - I'm so behind it's embarrasing. Really, it's humiliating. But I haven't given up hope yet, Inshallah if I redouble my efforts I should be able to make it. Just.

Trying to stay upbeat

Since my last real post I must say I'm doing loads better.
I've passed 4/11 modules awaiting confirmation on another one and not sure regarding another 3. Which, all in all, means i've only definitly failed 3. That's not too bad. My revision for most of my exams has been really good, i've memorised a lot of Qur'an since the last post i've finished all my research assignments and handed them in on time and have managed to keep my hair in good condition and my room tidy. Not bad altogether.
I've also gone out places with friends and started to seriously invest in my dvd collection. I am happy with how pretty good i've been these past two months.
My pet nuisances now are mainly centred on the fact that i don't have a tv of my own. It's seriously bugging me now, especially with the dvds. and also, i need to get back to the gym. Inshallah Allah will make that easy for me. I'm afraid that my former gym instructer who was teaching my how to instruct aerobics classes may well treat me as a normal client, or be sceptical about depending on me as i haven't been around for a while. Her loss if she does. But it means i'll have to go looking elsewhere. which i might do anyway, cos she moved premises and i heard that her latest are rather basic.
Anyways, we'll see.